Little Lies – Fleetwood Mac

I managed to get slightly longer lie in this morning. Yesterday Alexandra was up at around 5 and wouldn’t settle so Daddy Simon brought her into our room – oh deep joy. She wouldn’t settle here either. Daddy Simon optimistically got back under the covers and tried to get her to cuddle in but she was having none of it and proceeded to climb and jump all over us both before getting herself down off the bed and going in search of something a bit more entertaining than her daddies. Fortunately there is very little in our room that is within her reach but its fair to say that what was lying about was brought to the back to the bed for us to have a very close look at. I did think about getting up and taking her downstairs but I was really warm and toasty.At least up here she was dividing her attention between the two of us .” That’s lovely, Sweetpea.” I’d tell her as she bashed me over the head with what might have been an alarm clock.” Now go and show Daddy Simon.” She would then toddle off around to the other side of the bed. I’d get a dig in the ribs and there would be a fair bit of grumbling from under the covers but I’d get a few minutes of peace before she’d be back with something else. Calder stirred at about 630 and so we all got up and headed downstairs to start our day.We were of course highly entertained when the early bird fell asleep in her lunch later in the day – and of course we caught it on camera for posterity. This morning it was Daddy Simon’s alarm that woke me at a slightly later time. He’d got up and gone for his shower before it went off – but he forgot to switch his alarm off – so it woke me twice as I had only snoozed it the first time I threw it across the room.
Despite having an office white board, a kitchen white board AND a family calendar Daddy Simon and I had managed to double book ourselves on 0900 appointments in different places. We had discovered this earlier in the week and had agreed a compromise. Whoever took the car took the children. I was off to the Doctors for my ‘Over 40’s’ health check and Daddy Simon was off to the job centre. We agreed that the kiddies were less likely to catch something contagious at the doctors so I won the car and Daddy Simon set off to catch the bus looking better dressed than I suspect most of the staff at the Job Centre. I’m not a fan of this smart/casual approach to workwear – what was wrong with a collar and tie…. oh I can feel a rant coming on so I’ll close it down and come back to it at a later date.
I had been for my blood test the previous week so today was just a case of reviewing the results with the practice nurse. We were all ready a bit earlier than I had expected for a change so I thought I would see what it was like to arrive somewhere early for a change. Gloria had been carefully reversed into the drive ready to catapult out into ‘the school run’ mum’s this morning but disappointingly we were too early for that show and would have to seek entertainment elsewhere. I parked up at Waitrose as was considering doing a bit of shopping there but a lack of twin trolleys made me move the car to the pay car park and get the little ‘uns into the their buggy. I was actually miles too early so decided to take the longer way round to the surgery to see if I came across any playgroups in the area for future reference.Well of course I got lost and of course I was late and out of breath when I burst into the waiting room at the doctors – how much exercise did I say that I took when I filled the form in???

Kiddies are starting to get a bit antsy so I start to drip feed them dried apricots whilst I catch my breath again.I’m taken fairly quickly so it’s too late to get a calculator out to work out how many units of alcohol I have to lie about in order that I fall within appropriate guidelines and I don’t have my reading glasses on so I can’t work out what the ‘10’ beside the picture of the wine bottle actually signifies – litres in a week? .

She starts to go through results and I will the children to start acting up a bit. Cholesterol is a bit high but my ‘bad’ cholesterol is very low. What the chocolate covered donut does that mean???? She gives me a traffic light coloured leaflet and a booklet that “will explain it all…” So she has no idea either.

There’s a possibility I have an underactive thyroid- can we just not say it’s a bit laid back and move on? Apparently it’s more common in women than men.Cheers love.What is wrong with these children- why are they being so quiet. Have a punch up so I can make my excuses and leave.Calder is having a right good look around and Alexandra is looking like butter ( that I can no longer have) wouldn’t melt in her unusually quiet mouth.

I stopped smoking 11years ago.Yay! Un point!

Diet isn’t bad – lots of fresh fruit and veg. Mainly home cooked – you know- tilts head towards children. Oh come on – could you not just fill a nappy or give us one of your toxic trumps,Calder,so we can get out of here.Maybe half a point.

Exercise – “ fair bit of walking,pushing the buggy and running about after these two.” Still no lifeline thrown from the two cherubic children.Maybe half a point.

“How much alcohol in a week?”


“Oh erm….well mainly at weekends- what’s that a bottle between mumble mumble mumble and that probably about it. The odd gin …..” I swear that’s a smirk on Alexandra’s smug little face. Should I ask if they can get a booster injection of some kind – they must be due something by now.

Now Nurse Ratched wants take my weight and height.I tell her but she’s got me rumbled as the local Hans Christian Andersen by now and wants to take her own measurements.I have to take my shoes off to get my height taken and I’ve got pockets emptied, belt and jacket off before I go near the scales. Ok not a bad BMI – “ You don’t look overweight” she says…

The good news is that I’m only running a 3% chance of contracting heart disease in the next ten years the bad news is that she wants me to see the doc about my woman’s problem and gives me two months to reduce my cholesterol. She is incredibly impressed at how well behaved Alexandra and Calder have been and the treacherous little gits bid her a cheerful “Bye-bye” as we leave.

We head back to the car and then over to Tesco – again. Frick and Frack are now in the mood for a bit of a ding-dong with one another – more of an audience you see.

I’ve forgotten to bring the shopping list but I find that multicoloured bit of paper that I had filed carefully in my back pocket. The stuff in the red column looks as though it could be closest to what was on my on list so I’ll go with that today. We’ll start at the ‘Krispy Kreme’ counter…

Pushkin loves nap time!

“Does my belly look big in this?”
“Who put the lights out?”

One thought on “Little Lies – Fleetwood Mac

  1. Oh GRAEME! I am loving your blog! I sit and read with “a cup of tea” after my shifts at Fisher’s and feel like I am right there with you all. Your style of writing is so true and honest. Sending much love.
    Stacey xoxo


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