Cut,Print…Moving On – Smash Cast.(TV series)

Ok it’s a tenuous link but Sunday is showtunes day and since we appear to have popped up on both the Mirror and Mail online I decided not to reference either specifically in chapter heading.

What did we think? Few basic errors that would have been adjusted online but would have been too late for the print edition. We’re not the only gay couple in the UK to have had a family this way. The IVF clinic we used was in Las Vegas not Los Angeles. TAMBA is the Twin and Multiple Birth Association and once again the timescale was a wee bit adrift on a few things.

But hey-ho that’s the tabloid press for you. Daddy Simon was incredibly restrained and didn’t read the comments that readers felt the need to leave. I did. I would deduce that the Mail trolls are marginally better educated and possibly a little less inbred than the Mirror trolls.

Are we sorry that we did it? Not at all.If it helps another couple achieve their dream of having a family then it was worth it. We’re pretty thick skinned and have breezed through tougher situations than a few unsolicited opinions.

Moving on…

Thursday Morning. We had a lovely man come out to quote for a pack up and removal to – ” ummm – we’re not really sure yet…” He didn’t seem fazed by the lack of an ultimate destination or the fact that Alexandra and Calder were demonstrating how the chariot scene in Ben Hur could just as easily have been done by two noisy toddlers, a couple of kitchen implements and a Fisher-Price push along toy. As the lovely removal man attempted to explain price structure,terms and conditions and ultimately get us to sign on the dotted line in the marginally more peaceful hallway Shouty and Loud had segwayed into the ‘Cellblock Tango’ from other side of the baby gate that barricades them into the kitchen.We agreed that it would be best if he just emailed it all to us later in the day and we got ourselves ready for the rest of the day ahead.

I’m going to type that we all jumped into the family bus and set off but we all know that’s not how it happened. So I’ll fast forward past the scene of getting two very excited kiddiewinks out the door and into the ” WHERE IS THE CAR PARKED? GET OUT OF THERE CALDER! NO THIS WAY, THIS WAY, ALEXANDRA, DO I LOOK LIKE I MIGHT HAVE THE CAR KEYS, I SAID GET OUT OF THERE CALDER!!!!”

Three trips back and forward to the house later and we’re all in the car ready for a day out. Little poppets are strapped into their car seats happy with their Weetabix smoothies. It’s not really a Weetabix smoothie – it’s just the floaty bits from their breakfast that they’ve managed to regurgitate back down the straw of their water bottles. I’m not going back into the house – just make sure they don’t have their bottles in hand when we meet the first letting agent.Daddy Simon fires up the engine and as we pull away the petrol light starts to flash.

‘Gloria-Queen of the South Circular’ is replenished with £60 of unleaded petrol – sixty flippin’ quid!!!! I check under the tank for leaks,replace the evidently faulty hose to the equally corrupt pump, pay the ransom demand and we head off towards the M25.

It’s a reasonably smooth journey and we arrive at our first appointment on time.

It’s been marketed as a three bedroom but it’s difficult to tell what are bedrooms and what are cupboards. I reckon we could probably get about 35% of our belongings in here but the letting agent reminds us that there’s a garage ‘en block’ – but has no idea where it is – and that she could possibly negotiate loft access. We make appropriate ” we’ll think about it noises” and get back in the car – “how much petrol is left” and head over to our next appointment.

We’re early!!!! So we have a look around – Off street parking and garage at side of house. Very handy for the station and peering in through the windows it looks like there is fair amount of space. Letting agent number 2 arrives and shows us around inside.

It could do with a bit of a clean but we agree we could make it work with a few minor alterations. OK – we’re interested but go on to the next viewing with the same agent. I think that he may have forgotten where it is and has decided just to show us round a shoe box that he’s found at the side of the road.

Number two is the hot favourite so we ask if he can double check his assurances that the landlord will be happy for us to have our four legged fireside rug at the property and we head over to viewing number four.

It’s a bit of an odd one, short lease as landlord is looking to sell but it’s been freshly renovated and the online pics look great. But it’s not quite finished – workmen mumble something about the kitchen – that is currently in the garage – will be installed by the weekend.Back garden is very steep – there is a ten foot drop from grass area onto quite a hard concrete patio. Letting agent assures Daddy Simon that the landlord would ‘probably’ put up a fence as Calder looks on with glee at a challenge and I check out quickest routes to nearest A&E’s. It’s a nice house but we agree it’s not for us. Time for a summit meeting and some lunch.

We return to the Whyte Harte and order up some lunch.Then we discover that they don’t have baby changing facilities and at least one baby needs changing. Barman is incredibly unhelpful and I’m sorely tempted to leave but Alexandra and Calder have been incredibly tolerant of the number of times that they’ve been in and out of the car already today – fortunately a more helpful member of staff steps in and offers a less than perfect solution but it’s a solution nonetheless.

Lunch arrives, at the same time that we arrive at a decision – it’s got to be number two. Nice feel to it, ten minute walk from station,sufficient space and storage – somewhere we’d be happy to be at home in for the next year. Daddy Simon is off to a work night out later in the day so decides to line his stomach with a lunch time lager and Daddy Graeme is handed car key and a fresh orange and lemonade. We congratulate ourselves and start to plan out where our furnishings will go in the new house and it’s only when Daddy Graeme goes ” wee-wee” as Calder announces to the rest of the dining clientele that Daddy Simon’s phone rings…

“Dream Family” – 100% spot on!