You’ll Always Find Me In The Kitchen at Parties – Jona Lewie

Spellcheck has just that changed to John Lewis – not sure if it’s a marketing ploy on their part. Anyway that was an Ikea ship that sailed a few years back probably leaving a few nuts and bolts behind on the quayside.

Tuesday Morning. Had to get up to answer the call of nature at about 0445 – I find that nature calls more often than a PPI salesperson these days – just managed to wrestle back some of the duvet from Daddy Simon and get myself snuggled back down when Nursery FM bursts into life. Daddy Simon shows no sign of stirring so I get up,tweak one of his protruding toes on my way past and go downstairs to investigate.(We’re on second floor and kiddies are on first floor.) Its usually a dummy outage or a bad dream and it can usually be dealt with on ‘Auto-Dad’ mode. Both are sitting up in their respective cots with no real idea of how they got there having a bit of a grizzle. Dummies are relocated and replaced and both snuggle back down the way I did in my own bed five minutes previously. It’s actually a flipping lovely thing to watch – they look so sweet and innocent and I just want to sit and watch them sleep for a bit. However it’s quite chilly and I need to recharge my own batteries so I return to bed where Daddy Simon is also in a deep and innocent looking sleep. I get back into bed,reclaim a bit of the duvet and drift off into a bit of a fitful sleep. I don’t really get the quality hour and a half more that I was hoping for and am probably less than pleasant when the video monitor illuminates the room again.

We head down to the kitchen and get the day started. Tuesdays are generally a day about the house recovering from the excitement of Twins Club on a Monday. Alexandra and Calder will usually have a couple of good naps but it’s looking like this may be all about to change and I’ll have to reshuffle the day around an early afternoon one.

They seem quite happy playing away with only minimal intervention from yours truly. I get on with sorting some dinner for both them and us. I sort out some pesto pasta and feta. Calder’s savage attack on the living herb with a soup ladle would indicate that he wants fresh basil with his. Soup ladle is parked up in ‘Confiscation Station’ and Calder is escorted back to the toy area. I have a rummage in the freezer for our dinner. I’ve pencilled in spinach and chick pea curry on the meal planner – I just need to try and locate it now. As is usually the way when a kitchen appliance is opened,Frick and Frack have appeared at my knees,eager to assist. I come across something that vaguely resembles what I was looking for. I have to bribe Alexandra with the promise that it’s nearly biscuit time (it’s not – it’s still an hour and a half off.) and get her to hand back the tub of Hagen Daz and then escort her back to the toy area. I remove the pack of frozen sausages that Calder has pilfered and is trying to bite his way into and throw them back in the freezer to a backing track of indignant wails from toy area.

We indulge in another tale from that hotbed of gossip,Acorn Wood. Today, like yesterday and probably like tomorrow, Rabbit is trying to have a nap but can’t seem to find a sufficiently peaceful spot in which to do so. I can relate to her plight. Tom the Tractor gets another couple of outings and we run through our Mr Men colours again. I have no recollection of there being a Mr Snow in my youth and wonder out loud if he’s the drug dealer in Mr Men and Little Miss Land. Alexandra and Calder have no interest whatsoever in my concerns and are busy jamming random items into a shape sorter.

I escape back to my side of the kitchen and resume culinary duties. The spinach and chick pea curry is a smaller size than I had remembered so I’ll have to bulk it up a bit. I find a tin of green lentils that I’ve bought in error at some point,some chopped tomatoes and I know that there’s some baby spinach that’s not too far past its use by date in the fridge that I can use up so that’s our dinner sorted – mentally anyway. Just chuck it all in a pan with another few of shakes of curry powder and should be ok. There’s a surplus of bananas to be used up so I quickly mix up the ingredients for a banana loaf – equally distributing the banana chips between Alexandra,Calder, me and the cake batter. I pop the oven on to preheat and it’s only once I’ve poured the mixture into the tin I find that there are not enough banana chips left to decorate the top. Oh well,it’s not like we’re expecting Mary Berry for tea. I won’t put it in the oven until my little treasures are having their nap.They’ve been caught adjusting timing settings and temperature dials in the past and Freddy the Fire Engine isn’t scheduled to be back with us until week three of the toy and book rotation.

Morning milk and biscuits go fairly well and both are pretty compliant about going for a nap at 1030.I’ll take advantage of that whilst I still can and whisk them upstairs before they change their minds.

The Banana Loaf will take about 40 minutes so I can have a crack at the ‘to do bowl’. Yes dear reader, as well as ‘Kitchen Whiteboard’ and a ‘to do pile, there is also a ‘to do bowl’! It’s one big palace of procrastination in here. It’s not as though one has priority over the other mostly the ‘to do bowl’ is for the odder shaped things that won’t sit neatly in the ‘to do pile’ but I’m not above shuffling things that I just don’t fancy doing from one to the other ad infinitum.

There are a couple of the childproof locks from the kitchen drawers and cupboards that weren’t particularly childproof and need to be reapplied. I’m sure I don’t need to explain why having superglue out when the children are out is a good idea.

Early in our relationship,long before we were Daddies,Simon and I thought it romantic to keep the cork from a bottle of fizz and ensure that it was detailed with whatever we had celebrated. We’ve still managed to keep up this tradition. There have been five corks in the ‘To Do Bowl’ since the festive period – so I guesstimate the dates and occasions and pop them in the glass vase that we keep them in. Those of you that know us will have a fair idea of the size of the receptical required now that we’ve been together seven and a half years.

There are some gift receipts, a couple of batteries, a non winning lottery ticket and several, loose fluff covered mints. I’m bored now so I bin the lot – clean the bowl and pop the ‘to do pile’ on the top.

Banana loaf is ready and it’s looking like I’ll have enough time to quickly run the hair clippers over my head a couple of times and jump in the shower before the kiddiewinks are shouting for lunch.

The early part of the afternoon is fairly uneventful it’s only just before tea time that things liven up a bit. Daddy Simon has had a email. The ‘so called’ professionals that are paid huge sums of money to shuffle bits of paper around have shuffled some things a bit faster than we were expecting.

You know that feeling you get as the rollercoaster that you’ve willingly got onto reaches the top of its first steep incline and then it hesitates briefly…

“What’s ‘hat hair’ Daddy?”

“Yo Dad! I’m on hold. Chuck me over a custard cream,would ya?”