To market,to market – Traditional Nursery Rhyme.

Daddy Simon is out at a training course all day today. My Find a Friend App indicates that he’s been standing at the side of a road in North London for the last 20 minutes so that should make interesting after dinner conversation.

We’ve had a fairly relaxed start to the day, coffee and catch up with a lovely friend and then got on with a bit of ironing whilst Alexandra and Calder had their morning nap.

I had ‘This Morning’ on in the background whilst I was labouring away – Alice Beer advising on how we can all save a bit of cash and do our own dry cleaning at home. This seemed to elicit a confession from Holly Willoughby that she’s not very good with her washing machine.Now I do like Holly but I find it difficult to believe that she personally pops a load of delicates into the washing machine before she heads to work of a morning.Let’s keep it credible people.

The kiddiewinks have fully recovered their appetites and polished off roast chicken,potatoes and veg at lunchtime. Cat seemed pretty disappointed at lack of leftovers and stropped off out for the afternoon.

Decided that we could do with a change of scenery so all piled into the car and headed over to Sainsbury’s to fish for attention and compliments.

I’d far rather save a bit of cash and do a big shop in Lidl but they don’t have double trolleys and there’s only so much that I can pile onto a double buggy without having the Security Guard surreptitiously trailing behind me from the biscuit aisle onwards.

The local Tesco is where Customer Service goes to die, has similar double trolley issues and charges for the privilege of using the car park. Also they’ve stopped sending money off vouchers so I’ve stopped going. Shame because their monthly magazine was quite good.

So Sainsbury’s it is. Most of the time I’ll do the main shop online and get it delivered but every now and again I like to head over and grace them with our presence.

I now know where the holy grail of double trolleys are kept in this particular store – unfortunately it means that we have to park in the underground car park of shame where even the car wash attendants won’t venture. However, this doesn’t stop me cruising up and down the Parent and Child bays throwing some serious shade at those parked there blatantly without child beforehand.I realise that our parents managed without them and it’s a bit of a first world problem but some people are just so thoughtlessly inconsiderate.

Once parked up and belted into the trolley – Calder is a permanent flight risk and has to be strapped into everything at all times – we can head up the travelator making all sorts of noises to herald our arrival.

Always best to go on a quieter day so that we can go down the middle of the aisles – Too close to one side or the other gets me a load of random goods in the trolley. Similarly we have to give other trolleys a wide berth and pass quickly – little light fingers have been know to help themselves to the contents of our fellow shoppers’ trolleys.

We can’t do too big a shop and can only fill the trolley to a certain level – if it nudges above this level it kick starts the children’s ‘economise mode’ and they will jettison anything protruding above said level I therefore make sure that I always start the shopping in the wine aisle.

Occasionally boredom kicks in and one or other will start to pull,haul and generally wind up their trolley mate.They’ve worked out where my point of no return is – I’d abandon trolley and pound coin deposit if it happened early on but I’ll grin and bear it if it kicks off after I’ve been at the reduced chiller. I’ve a number of variations on ‘The Wheels on the Bus’ to keep interest levels up and noise levels down.Sometimes the wheels come right off the bus and it flips over,crashes and all the noisy children inside have to be taken to a hospital where there are no toys and Daddies aren’t allowed to visit. It’s a beggar to rhyme but it gets them thinking.

They’ve usually calmed down again by the time we reach the checkout. Between them they’ll flirt and glower with the unsuspecting staff member whilst I filter through what I intended to buy, what has been planted – I suspect that it was the bright colours of the ‘Lil-lets’ box that appealed – and try not to be insulted as the checkout operator asks if we’re having a party (again) this weekend.

I like to finish off with a little ‘where’s my money off coupon/wallet/ car key’ flap and precariously wheel the trolley and it’s precious cargo – the wine, remember- back to one the of the many black Vauxhall’s that have appeared in the vicinity of where I thought I had parked ours.

Houdini has to be unshackled from the trolley and pinned back into his car seat whilst Alexandra has a rummage through the top half of a bag that she’s managed to get hold of. Once I’ve wrestled the bag of Oven Chips out of her chubby little grasp – “I need to cook them first, Cupcake” – I attempt to jigsaw everything into the boot,return the trolley and walk back to a completely different black Vauxhall.

Homeward bound – there is an ongoing complaint about the confiscated, uncooked oven chips and the faint sound of someone chewing a seatbelt coming from the back seat but it’s bearable – we’re nearly home.

If I’m lucky I’ll get parked right outside the house – make sure gate is secured and unload shopping and children directly over the wall and into house.

First thing I do when all safely indoors and accounted for?

Get online and book a delivery slot for the following week! I’m not doing that again!

6 thoughts on “To market,to market – Traditional Nursery Rhyme.

  1. What irritates me is parents who park in the children’s bays when they have huge teenagers who are obviously capable of walking safely through the car park, unassisted, to get to the store!

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  2. You may we’ll become a pioneer for change in the double trolley market and may even have it named after you Graeme. In years to come, twins the world over could yell at their parent β€œI don’t wanna go in the Berney Edwards!!!!!”.

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  3. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ It sounds like you just described one of my shopping trips from when the kids were little! I’m afraid it doesn’t get any better! Xx

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